A Confession: The Great British Heist

Hey folks, C-man here. I’ve got something different today. It’s been weighing on me, and I feel like it’s finally time to talk about it—even if it costs me. For I have been a part of a conspiracy I can no longer keep to myself, they may come for me by the time you read this. I am at one of our safe houses as I write but fear my time is limited. Let me take it from the top.

The Beginning: 

It was the glorious year of 2024, the UK axe scene was thriving! No longer were the same names taking wins, more and more people were turning up to events.

Then IATC 2024 rolled around the corner faster than anyone expected. Although no Brit advanced to Day 2 (nor did we get much of a chance at Big Twig) we had a good standing. All doubles teams were eliminated at the same time (in unison -- when Brits go down we go down together). This would set the stage for the events to come…

Glory:

It finally came around to Friday, qualifiers for the main event.

No, not round 2. The Global Showdown of course!

Six of the UK's -- nay, EUROPE'S finest throwers -- all made it through. A group formed by incredible individuals; Myself, Carl Howe, Danny Whitehouse, Darren Snodgrass, Kyle Hall and Nathan Pugh.

We overcame betrayal as I was turned against my brother's by those down under, against all odds these six NOMADS went on to accomplish great things, through many trials of the gamesmaster it was this rag tag group that took home the coveted Van O’s Vase.

(Very well done to Team USA this year, you guys deserved it and I am truly sorry)

The confession: 

This is the juicy stuff, the whole point of this post I am writing while I cower under the bed.

We returned to our country as heroes! But soon we'd become villains. The dust settled on our glorious victory of 2024 and before we knew it 2025 would be here.

However, before the new year started, the six that achieved glory only 3 months before met again at Valhalla North's annual Burn Battle. We re-lived the memories of IATC and quickly we came to realise that the sacred six would not be complete at IATC 25.

This is where our plan starts to come together, we discussed for many hours, shared many drinks and found the solution. 

With the knowledge our team might not be as strong, we needed insurance, a contingency, a plan B if you will, so began The Great British Heist. 

We would spend much time and resources perfecting our craft until we finally did it. 

The perfect 1:1 Scale replica of the Van Os Vase. 

You read that right folks a replica, crafted by a friend who I shall not name. We would give the replica to the most trusted member of the group Carl aka Cowboy Craal aka one of LaFace community award winners (the ultimate cover up, perfected by a nation) He would transport the replica to Gamemaster Kump without suspicion -- and it was a success. True to our heritage, the real Van O’s Vase would never leave the venue it called home. 

Why am I telling you?

Well folks I would be lying if I said I protested at the start of this scheme. I didn't, I willingly participated in the earliest construction of this plot and for that I apologise. It weighed heavy on my conscience when I watched Team USA lift the Vase, the joy in their faces, the tears shed from their proud country.

It was all too much to keep to myself, I had to confess to a couple of people that would promise to keep our secret (thank you, you know who you are) but it is no longer your burden to carry.

This is my truth.

This is my confession.

I think I can hear them coming! I'm compromised, if you don't hear from me you know who to blame! Please forgive me!

C-man signing off, maybe for the last time and remember: The world is a brighter place with you in it.

Editor's Note: the safe phone I provide to all Axe Badger correspondents has not picked up since this article was submitted. We've sent a team to extract C-man but, so far, he cannot be found. Then again, the extract team is comprised of two pigeons and a plucky squirrel I befriended, so who knows what's going on over there.