Depression and Axe Throwing: a few suggestions for escaping yourself.

Winter and the holiday season oftentimes can make emotions swing a disproportionate amount, compared to the rest of the year. Truth is, there are plenty of human brains out there affected by seasonal depression -- or just the melancholy of colder, darker months. Convincing your brain (either through therapy, or medication, or whatever works) is a tricky business -- point in fact, it's a very, very hard thing to battle it out with your own brain when you (that same brain) is trying to fight against itself.

Imagine I said something right here about two wolves inside you, but both of those wolves are your own brain chemistry.

And axe throwers, despite plenty of evidence to the contrary, are also humans with human brains. And lots of us can experience the same doldrum emotions during the emotionally-charged holiday/winter season. To that end, I wanted to share some advice/suggestions on how you can empower yourself to...well...maybe not turn that frown upside down...but at least escape yourself for a little while and maybe help your rebelling brainstuff cool it, for once.

First, my credentials.

None. Hahahahahahaaaaaa I'm just a writer, you goof. BUT I will say I have plenty of experience around/in depression. I have something called dysthymia - which is a mild but long-lasting form of depression. Also called persistent depressive disorder, this little treat of a condition means I'm always just a little...I dunno...mopey? I also grew up with someone who had/has exceptionally-developed bipolar disorder, so I've seen and experienced the phenomena.

For me, I call it the black dog (I picked it up from Winston Churchill, which I'm glad to say is the only thing I picked up from that S.O.B.), and it follows me around all the damn time - sometimes closer, sometimes further away. And because that gnawing mongrel is always in the periphery, I've found a few ways to make it heel. I want to share those with you in case, you know, you're going through it yourself.

A VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: I am not talking about how to handle severe depression / a severe depressive episode. You gotta talk to a professional for that shit, bud. Nothing I'm writing about here is medically-proven or recommended, and it's so very important if you feel like you're overwhelmed to seek care from people who can help you and are trained to help you. If you're not sure if you're experiencing depression (which, honestly, lots of people fall into), look up the signs and symptoms of a depressive episode. It's valuable info to know, and can be helpful in determining when professional help is a good idea.

Take care of your equipment

I'll wait for your jokes to stop...

Okay, now then: it's often very hard to convince yourself to look after yourself when going through a depressive episode. Sometimes to the point of "forgetting" to eat or drink or bathe or whatever else. I get it. Even with milder episodes, it's normal to just kinda let things go.

What I'd suggest--what I've found helpful, is to spend some time doing a checkup on things that are not you. For me, at least, by brain will tell me I don't matter, and when it happens I tell my brain "okay, I don't matter, but XYZ does matter." In this case, XYZ are my axes, my axe bag, my various axe throwing sundries, etc.

Why it works: Giving yourself activities to do in the orbit of your favorite things to do (espesh when you don't feel like doing that "favorite" thing) is a helpful way to take baby steps toward a healthier mindset/releasing those delicious brain chemicals bodies crave. In the world of behavioral health, this is related to Behavioral Activation - that is to say: re-engaging with activities that bring structure and pleasure. How to get started:

Sharpen your axes, give your handles a wood-conditioning rubdown, clean out your axe bag and organize it a bit. Maybe resew or sew new patches on your battle vest. None of these things are particularly difficult, and are a quiet, peaceful way to engage your brain with activity outside of yourself.

Help someone else

This is a bit more challenging when you're feeling down, but helping someone else is a really net-positive way to push your mind into different thinking. In axe throwing, this could be helping a newer thrower figure out their throw, or helping a seasoned thrower figure out what's going on with their clutches or WHATEVER - the thing you're helping with doesn't necessarily matter--what does matter is that you're creating an environment where your brain is spending more time thinking about someone else and less about itself.

Why it works:

For me, it's so much easier to care about other people more than myself. I can't really stand myself, but I have oodles of patience and loving-kindness for almost everyone I meet. So when I'm feeling very low, I sometimes go out of my way to help someone who needs help. And you know what happens? That "I want to help you/I care about your happiness" stuff that I'm sharing with whoever I'm helping ends up spilling over into myself. It feels good to help others, and remembering that when darkness is creeping around my little badgery body is important.

In behavioral health, this is setting "compassionate goals" rather than "self-image goals." Compassionate goal setting typically result in lower levels of depressive symptoms when compared to self-image goal setting.

How to get started:

Find someone in your league who is trying to, you know, figure out something. And then help them figure it out. Or maybe you can help at your local venue with an upcoming tourney. Or maybe you can do a food drive or a charity tourney. Or maybe it's just helping a newer thrower find their perfect axe -- whatever it is, being helpful and in service of others can help you feel empowered to be helpful toward yourself.

Communicate openly

This is prolly the hardest one to manage, but once you've got it down, it's effing gold, friend-o. In short, tell people if you're feeling down. This is:

1. Scary to do

2. Feels selfish

3. Feels dramatic

BUT: normalizing being able to turn to your axe fam and say "I'm not doing great" is a really, really good way to normalize, you know, the full human experience.

Why it works: Shame is a big part of depression (I feel shame that my brain chemicals are telling me I don't matter and everything is wrong, then feel shame when I can't express it, then feel shame when I do tell people) - but creating an expectation and understanding where communicating your emotional state (honestly) can help dissolve shame from the experience.

But because I have fellow league throwers/friends/a partner around me who expect me to tell them when I'm going through a particularly bad episode, I don't feel the shame of experiencing depression. It's one less thing to make me feel crummy, and it's so helpful to have people nearby who want me to feel comfortable and supported.

An important note here: it's also really valuable to have people around you who, when you communicate how you're doing, know how you'd like to be treated. For instance: it feels horrible when someone tries to "help" me by "cheering me up." It feels amazing when someone tries to "help" me by being near me but doing their own thing.

It's asking a lot of the people around you, but of course you'll be doing the same kindnesses to them. That's mutual aid, baybee.

How to get started:

Whooooo boi - I don't know. I think it's different for everyone. For me, it took years and years to get to a point where I could tell people flat-out I was having a deep-depression time, and how to help me (or just "hey, this is happening, just so you know"). Building yourself up to the point of communicating openly about your own challenges is really, really hard. Frankly, it feels like I shouldn't tell you how this'll work (as if anything I've written in this blog isn't a complete overstep). What I will write is this: freeing myself from the shame of a brain that doesn't produce the best chemicals at the best times was the very best thing I've ever done for myself. And it didn't at all help with depression or anxiety or any of that, but it sure as hell removed one of the big amplifiers of that sadness (shame). So give it a shot, if you can. Or at least try to move towards a more open communication with your axe fam.

A final note:

I don't know why I wrote this, exactly. I think plenty of people I care about are feeling the effects of seasonal depression, or are just having hard times with the holiday season. For my part, I'm not feeling any more sad than I typically do during the year--but it seems to me like...I dunno...It felt important to talk about, a little bit, looking after oneself, if that oneself is struggling and feeling like axe throwing culture, as a whole, doesn't have space for anything other than rampant happiness. Shit, throwkin, I guess I kinda just rambled on about how to throw axes whilst feeling not great in your brain without having a neat bow to slap down at the end. All of the above is, again, just what has helped me. I am so far from a mental health professional - but I am a professional at writing about my own experiences. So I hope you, dear reader, found some things helpful in here, and hope I didn't come off as a jackhole quack

suggesting axe throwing activities will cure serious depression. And if you're going through it yourself, if the black dog is nipping your heels, I hope you find the support in yourself and in the people around you to see it through.