A quick solve for our sport's longevity.

Dear reader, I've been putting a lot of thought into how we, as a community, can ensure the survival of our sport. It's something most throwers, in some capacity, think about: is this sport gonna exist in 5 years? 10? What am I gonna do with all these ding-dang axes?

Worry not -- the economists and sports scientists here at Badger HQ have been hard at work determining exactly what's needed to make this sport last at least another 50 years. Maybe 60 if things go alright.

And this is where I'd tell you what those good, smart people came up with, but unfortunately I've been watching a lot of Yellowjackets and listening to The Silt Verses and that's affected my thinking so very much. So here you go:

We need a god of axe throwing to worship it in all our axe venues.

The big mistake the IATF made (NATF, if we're talking about the founding of the sport as I know it) was not choosing a god right alongside creating the rules of the game. All our prayers are going to an empty chair! Our cosmic reach is limited to the axe and the target! It's all wrong.

If we were to get a god of axe throwing, we'd have a deity that could make sure our sport lasts for as long as we continually bring glory to its name. Let's get into some of the nitgrit.

What does the god of axe throwing look like?

Unknowable. It's not that you can't create idols of the god of axe throwing, it's just that you'll always be wrong. Some worshippers of the god of axe throwing simply carry around a piece of the target as a reminder. Some burn the mark of the god of axe throwing into their axes as a sign of respect. Picture the god of axe throwing: got it? Yep, you're wrong. But that's okay.

How do we signify the god of axe throwing is welcome in our axe house?

Find a dark corner of your axe venue. build a reasonable mound from the wood chips created under the target after a marathon (this is important: it MUST be from a marathon. The concentration of exhaustion is important).

Say, a pile about the size of a young capybara.

Put several crushed cans of beer around the outside of the wood-chip cairn. Place a broken axe in the center. It'd look something like this:

I am grate artiste

The wood chips (from the target after a marathon, remember) symbolize struggle and conflict. The beer cans symbolize how most of us probably need some help, and the broken axe symbolizes how easy it is to spend too much money in this hobby. Or, maybe, it symbolizes the temporal nature of existence. Who knows. A mystery of faith.

That's where you make your sacrifices, of course, and say your prayers to the god of axe throwing.

How do we worship?

Probably pretty regional. I've heard of worshippers who stand in front of the altar and pour a little bit of beer into the target chips. I've heard of some worshippers who bury their 81 coin in that same pile o' chips to "soak" up some of the god of axe throwing.

I've heard of some diehards who, when in the middle of a rut, will place their axe on the altar as a sacrifice. This also gives new throwers and opportunity to take that axe because, you know, free axe. And the god of axe throwing likes it when new throwers get axes from more experienced throwers. A few have been known to tuck $2.99 into one of the crushed beer cans and have a sensible chuckle about it.

That's what I've heard, at least.

But for most practicing people, simply saying "may thy axe chip and shatter" to your opponent while putting the axe to your heart, then your brow, works just fine.

Yes, that is a direct steal from Dune.

No, I don't feel cheap for it.

Does the god of axe throwing have a name?

I dunno. I think the god of axe throwing's name is that sound you make whenever you go for clutch and miss - like, the noise right after you realize you didn't hit it. That kind of deep exhale from your nose sound? or that "ughhhh" noise. Or a straight up curse.

The god of axe throwing's name is the sound of quick, fleeting frustration. OR maybe it's also the sound of a perfectly-struck target. OH MAYBE IT'S THAT. Because then you're basically worshipping the god of axe throwing every time you throw well? Yeah. That'll do.

How this helps address the attrition of the sport

There's big money in the faith community. It might take some time, but eventually we'll get tax exempt status and mega-throwing-venues. Tourneys will be on ABCN (Always Be Clutching Network). And, thanks to the dark sacrifices we've made to an unknowable, uncaring god, none will be able to stand before us.

Think about what Satanic Panic did for D&D. Sure, it put the game in a bad light for a while, but that renegade-nerdery led to an underground movement full of power and longevity. So go ahead. Get your altars ready, start creating the markings all over yourself/your property, and get ready to welcome our dark, indifferent patron!